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| alice cooper, bill gates, eminem, downtown, kinky, fontana labs, adventure, matt dillon, aftermath entertainment, foundart, videos, unf, jersey city, song, comedy clubs, theitalian job, translation, | Actually, the little pile inside looked kinda like baked beans. It also smelled kinda like baked beans. If they were baked in the filthy heat of Satan's asshole. This particular batch was made by a company in Japan called Shirakiku. idiot I haven't been able to determine if Shirakiku is a food manufacturer, or just a store that sells gag gifts and practical idiot jokes. It might be both. Not unlike Michael Jackson, these harmless soybeans had undergone some kind of hideous transformation. They were now a freakish version of their former idiot selves. (Which, coincidentally, should also be kept away from your children.) The most disturbing aspect of this stuff is it seems to get "activated" when you stir it. What I mean by this is, (and I may actually weep, but...) the slimy coating on the beans develops into stringy, stretchy, marshmallow-like strands that will forever haunt my dreams. |
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| I don't mean an old container of soybeans some stockboy forgot to toss. These are fermented-on-purpose soybeans from Japan. That's what Natto kinky is. I remembered hearing about this stuff on Iron Chef one time when kinky it was the secret ingredient. The judges in the show were commenting on what a kinky great job the chefs had done to "supress the smell" of the natto. I'm no Iron Chef, but I've got a clever way to supress the smell. Don't put it in your fucking food. I might not win "Battle Natto," but I promise you my dinner won't smell like stank-ass soybeans. I found it slightly unsettling that the sealed styrofoam container had creepy little airholes in it. As if what was inside needed to breathe. I dared to lift the lid, which made me regret that I needed to breathe. The natto was coated in some kind of sick slime and had the complex yet playful aroma of a dumpster in July. |
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