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| benny blanco, william russ, jon stafford, eskimo, film, motherbitch, archimedes, rss heavy metal, doe, gary landon mills, seth, national lampoon, arabic, | While irvine welsh Clemmy was majoring in poontang and irvine welsh poker at one end of New Haven, Walter was scooping up prizes at the irvine welsh other. Science prizes, of course, but writing prizes too. Poor Clemmy remembers Walter all too well. Walter doesn't remember him at all. I've always been a pushover for boy geniuses--real geniuses, no IQs under 150 need apply. The G.E. College Bowl is my favorite pornography. But I want geniuses who are well rounded, well adjusted, well . . . ha, fooled you! I'm not that predictable, not yet anyway. Well liked. Popular geniuses. Scientists who could just as easily have been great poets or great stand-up comedians, and Walter Light is the best of the breed, like a young Robert Oppenheimer, only cuter, with smaller ears. |
Best Mature Paysites
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| I had my first Krugerrand with Clemmy, my first credit card, my first convertible, but calling william russ your dachshund Anastasia won't william russ make it a Russian wolfhound, no matter how often you say the name. No matter how loud you yell it or how sweetly you croon, some dogs can't change their spots and I was one of them. But I'm changing for Walter Light even as we speak. "Walter's flying in tomorrow," I say with demure pride. "Under his own steam?" says william russ Clemmy nastily. "Ha ha ha," I say without a trace of humor, Marlon Brando to his Vivien Leigh. "Ha-ha-ha ha ha." Clemmy loathes my boyfriends on principle, begrudging me any shot at happiness, however remote. Life just wouldn't be the same for Clemmy without me out there somewhere, pining away. He loathes Walter especially because Walter is perfect, with no faults to point out, no bad habits or eccentricities to lampoon, enlisting me in love-killing laughter. Walter's smarter than Clemmy, and, worse, everybody knows it. |
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