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john bridger:
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By the end of class, he sometimes had 100 little balls of paper in his hair. Although I never faked my own death to break up with a girl, I loser once broke up with a girl by FedEx-ing a letter to her house. I even enclosed a return envelope so I could get my keys loser back. However, the girl was certifiably insane and had completely trashed my apartment partying with her friends the night loser before (while I was out of town.) Once, after a woman I know pissed me off, I exacted revenge by filling out over 100 subscription cards to various magazines in her name and checking the box that said "Bill Me Later." On the one hand, I do have a bit of remorse at having overreacted. But on the other hand, I wish I could have seen the lady's face when she started receiving issues of "Juggs," "Rough Rider," and "Cat Aficionado" in her mailbox. |
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However, a twist of john bridger: fate turns his life into a tailspin of life-renewing events. Earl wins a small lottery, and, after an epiphany (courtesy of Carson Daly) he is determined to transform his good fortune into a life-changing event as he sets out to right all the wrongs from his past. In john bridger: the spirit of the coming New Year and my ongoing quest to try and become a better human being, I thought it might be appropriate john bridger: to list some of my transgressions against my fellow man and perhaps think of ways that I can atone for my past trespasses. After doing some thinking about it, herein lies my short list (a la Earl) of regrettable offenses... In my 10th grade math class, I used to spend the hour each day rolling up little balls of paper and strategically placing them on the head of the boy who sat in front of me. His hair was irresistible. It was one of those massive early 80's Jewfros and I couldn't help myself. |
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