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| disco, theexorcist, fullmetal jacket, moviedatabase, king arthur, me, arabic, jon stafford, edward norton, comedy video, robert smith, comedian, goldlyrics, | I followed Doctor's satire orders and bought a vat of mayonnaise, even though Logan hates mayonnaise with a fiery passion satire mostly reserved for republicans. It was only when I got it home that I realized, 'Wow, this is a lot of mayonnaise.' This was a big barrel of mayo. Maybe that picture doesn't show you the sheer volume. For comparison, check out the bottle of Bell's Logan brought home for me tonight next to the Vat of Mayo. Perhaps you still didn't get a feel for the size of satire the Vat O' Mayo. Here I hold my hands up for scale. I combed and I slathered mayonnaise on my daughter's hair and then I picked and picked and picked and I swear to God above I got every one of those fuckers out of her hair in the two hours of picking I did. |
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| The following morning I started my day by picking through my daughter's head looking for bugs to eat because at that point I'd become nothing but a common monkey. Unfortunately my diet was ruined when I found nits on her head and then, though I could have been coming off the acid trip from the night comedy video before, I saw another of THOSE FUCKING BUGS CRAWLING ACROSS HER MOTHER FUCKING SCALP! Then I wished I might die. But I didn't die. I called the comedy video pediatrician comedy video and asked what we should do now and she said, "You go to Costco and get yourself a jar of mayonnaise large enough you could dock your jet ski in it. Also, a similarly sized bottle of Makers Mark." |
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