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| disco, theexorcist, fullmetal jacket, moviedatabase, king arthur, me, arabic, jon stafford, edward norton, comedy video, robert smith, comedian, goldlyrics, | mood like this one. Except for maybe Para Para Sakura. Wasabi (2001) Synopsis: lyle Badass French guy from The Professional finds out he has a Japanese daughter. Hilarity ensues. My Take: Hmm... what's the best way to describe my feelings for this one? This time, the italics mean it's in French, not Mandarin. JEAN RENO: Hello, I am not the lyle assassin from every other movie you have seen me in. I am a cop. But lyle I still carry a giant gun and kill people. RYOKO HIROSUE: HELLO, RENO-SAN! I AM YOUR SPUNKY JAPANESE DAUGHTER — SEEN IN YOUR TYPICAL JAPANESE ANIME, BUT AN ACTUAL PERSON!!! RENO: You speak perfect French. HIROSUE: I do! And so does every other Japanese person you will encounter, as you will soon discover! YAKUZA BOSS: Oui. HIROSUE'S WACKY J-FRIENDS: Oui!! *peace sign* RANDOM BANK TELLER: Oui. RENO: Perfect. This will increase my bad-ass factor in an exotic location, while not having to study a difficult language such as Japanese. Now, will you create some sexual tension with me like I did with Queen Amadala in The Professional? |
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| (Aaron bursts into song for the main musical theexorcist number, filmed on a street in Shanghai at night. It looks like the theexorcist dance cheography to Lionel Ritchie's "All Night Long," except they're dancing to a love ballad that Aaron is singing. Keep in mind that all Hong Kong love ballads have, like, 7 beats to a minute.) Ernie: Okay, this can't get any cheesier. theexorcist (Aaron suddenly goes into a dance solo. A TAP DANCE solo.) Ernie: Okay, NOW this can't get any cheesier. (Aaron and friends suddenly start to Riverdance on automobiles. They FUCKING RIVERDANCE.) Ernie: That's it, I give up. (turns off DVD, tries to buy Zoloft online) Failan (2001) Synopsis: The good news is, the chick from "Para Para Sakura" is MUCH better in this movie. The bad news is, it's the most depressing movie ever. My Take: Oh, it's just your typical "Korean gangster marries Chinese girl he's never met, Korean gangster falls in love with Chinese girl, Chinese girl tragically dies" movie. The pacing is slow — you don't see Failan (the Chinese girl) until an hour into the movie — but the characters are portrayed well and no other movie will put you in a somber |
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