"The iguana isn't selling. italian mafia heavy metal
blogstream, culture, edward saxon, mob, jerusalem, group hug, robert b. weide, stars, saudi arabian, punchthem, sudan, heavy metal, hbo home video, bisexual, sounds, portillo, 1956 in sports, adventure, Unnatural things. People who own these dogs are, technically, italian mafia psychotic. That's all I'm saying. (If you are one of these people, I don't mean you, of course; just people exactly like you. You, I like.) If I could get me a bulldog, that would be outstanding, but I think you hit the fucking breeding problem. A bulldog's main attraction is the fact that every living moment in his presence feels like an old Warner Brothers cartoon. I would spend hours and hours capering around him, twittering italian mafia "Hey Spike! Whatcha doin' Spike? You italian mafia wanna get something to eat, Spike?" until the poor tortured bastard would bite my face off. So that's probably out. I need my face. There's breeds like Terriers and Corgis and crap like that, but then you're getting into the whole pedigree thing again, and I won't have any of that.
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"The iguana isn't selling. That's stale merchandise. Throw heavy metal it in the dumpster." For space reasons, it will probably be a small dog. For example, pugs. Pugs make me laugh extremely hard, heavy metal mainly by just sitting there existing. They all look like tiny, furry Martha Rayes. The main objection to a pug would be my ongoing feeling of dread that at any moment, his eyes could pop out of their sockets, causing me to run heavy metal around madly, screaming like my asshole was on fire. Of course, there is such a thing as too small. Chihuahuas, poodles: these are dogs for unserious people. People who own these dogs also do crafts like latch-hook or enter ping-pong tournaments. They own Hummel figurines or listen to Pizzicato Five.
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