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Unnatural things. People who own these dogs are, technically, italian mafia psychotic. That's all I'm saying. (If you are one of these people, I don't mean you, of course; just people exactly like you. You, I like.) If I could get me a bulldog, that would be outstanding, but I think you hit the fucking breeding problem. A bulldog's main attraction is the fact that every living moment in his presence feels like an old Warner Brothers cartoon. I would spend hours and hours capering around him, twittering italian mafia "Hey Spike! Whatcha doin' Spike? You italian mafia wanna get something to eat, Spike?" until the poor tortured bastard would bite my face off. So that's probably out. I need my face. There's breeds like Terriers and Corgis and crap like that, but then you're getting into the whole pedigree thing again, and I won't have any of that.
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