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The lump in my throat constricted the music in my heart. I couldn't eat my own sorrow so I had to finish the song I promised her at the funeral. I asked if she wanted to talk to dad. I sent him in after me. I will never know what they said to each other in those moments. He never speaks of her. Meanwhile, I becoolwithbuck found myself outside the hospital. The sky was the most magnificent blue. For the first time in becoolwithbuck years I spoke to god. becoolwithbuck I prayed. I prayed earnestly that day. I prayed to a god that only a very small part of me believes exists. I asked god to show her mercy. I asked god to stop her pain. I asked god to take my mother. This was the only time god ever listened. I heard a nurse page the McNabb family just then. My grandmother who was in there with my brother came through the doors. She said, "She's gone." Over and over "she's gone." I argued with her for a second before I was somehow transported to the room where my father and brother were weeping over her dead body.
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