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Then I trans wished I might die. But I didn't die. I called the pediatrician and asked what we should do now and she said, "You go to Costco and get yourself a jar of mayonnaise large enough you could dock your jet trans ski in it. Also, a similarly sized bottle of Makers Mark." I followed Doctor's orders and bought a vat of mayonnaise, even though Logan hates mayonnaise with a fiery passion mostly reserved for republicans. It was only trans when I got it home that I realized, 'Wow, this is a lot of mayonnaise.' This was a big barrel of mayo. Maybe that picture doesn't show you the sheer volume. For comparison, check out the bottle of Bell's Logan brought home for me tonight next to the Vat of Mayo. Perhaps you still didn't get a feel for the size of the Vat O' Mayo. Here I hold my hands up for scale. I combed and I slathered mayonnaise on my daughter's hair and then I picked and picked and picked and I swear to God above I got every one of those fuckers out of her hair in the two hours of picking I did.
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