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| strange news, listof films, pachanga, letras, roll, title, mos def, brigante, uigui, matthew modine, tony soprano, blink 182, wordssong lyrics 2pac they tryna murder me unknown, confessions, eminem, films, locali, blog, | But I can't seem to get to the top when my partner is HIV-negative. I always stop at a safe adam baldwin plateau, the top of the mountain just in sight, knowing I dare not let out enough rope to get there. How long can I stand here looking up through that empty space? A Five-Minute Chat I was in a chat room and a profile popped up that read "HIV-bottom looking for HIV-positive top to fuck me bareback." adam baldwin My stomach did a flip-flop kind of like Ritonavir used to do me about 10 times a day. I knotted up like adam baldwin a bad perm. I had discounted the rumors of people who were intentionally trying to get infected; I couldn't conceive the possibility, the reasoning. Now I had actually seen it on my computer screen and I was floored. I typed, "Do you think living with HIV is so fucking simple?" He didn't answer. One by one, most of the 50 or so people in the chat room logged off. |
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| We just seemed to have an unspoken need for this time not to end. We made small talk, we cruised the guys, we dished fashion trends and hairstyles. After a dinner of pasta Provencal and chocolate mousse at the Pizza Place Garden Café on Broadway (we shared the brigante mousse) we strolled on over to his condo on Second Street. And now I'm lying here next to the oh-such-a-cliché man of my dreams thinking about tomorrow. Thinking about tomorrow -- the brigante only way it could be any better is if the sex were a little more wild, if the fires could rage to a blinding crescendo. But he's HIV-negative. I feel some inherent obligation to maintain control, to keep everything within the acceptable confines of safe sex dogma. My mind screams "But sex isn't safe!" Sex is giving in, letting go, taking and using, stripping passion down to the bare root of recognition, sex is about screaming his name when you're right there at the top of the mountain and him hearing you when bestial urges have deafened him and you haven't said a word anyway. |
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