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This was Hampstead, for God’s sake. One’s list of people by name parents might list of people by name be coke-snorting rock stars or actors, but to be a list of people by name mere drunk was somehow so bourgeois. If you want to know where my father was, well, I’m not entirely sure. Either he was indeed off sleeping with prostitutes or he was off selling bits of oil rigs in Norway. Either way, he was off. I’m ashamed to admit I had my own petty little form of revenge when I was a teenager. My mother was legendary for her incredibly strange hair. She had a kind of reddish-grey perm that was so extraordinary it appeared the remains of a dead sheep had landed on her head. Sometimes she’d pass out in an armchair in our TV room, so I’d light cigarettes and frazzle the tips of her hair even more, enhancing the sheep-like chic. Just a little sizzle here and there to liven up the fleece.

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There is something quite terrible about seeing your mother’s pubic hair. It must be even more terrible seeing someone else’s mother’s public hair, so I didn’t have many friends staying the night. saudi arabian Also, pubes or no pubes, saudi arabian the risk of being awakened by my mother beating them with a towel while shrieking like a banshee at 5am, tended to put most of my saudi arabian friends off the domestic experience chez Eurotrash. On my 21st birthday she fell over leaving a Greek restaurant and passed out, which rather amused my friends, and of course, caused me agonies of mortification.

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