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| mos def, joe pesci, listof films, kool kieth, week, italian mafia, arabian, yemen, moroccian, song, tv shows, manchicken, phillip nicoll, keith david, zines, classifiche, doe, humor, violet, rap metal, kenneth graymez, autechre, videos, amy ferguson, | In my brain I've got a picture of her naked with a chapter of my book in her hand, glasses on, reading aloud while I'm over her making babies that will never come because I've been neutered by some Air Force surgeon with a sharp knife. "What's wrong with me?" I say. "You're freaking yourself out. Look, work harder at your writing. Read something once in a while. Try to tell stories jill flint instead of flipping metaphors around like you don't have to do jill flint anything but give people analogies. People want to know what's jill flint happening, not how you feel about the landscape." "My book is already sold. It's going to be printed," I say, knowing she doesn't have a book contract and wants one bad--(ly). "It will have to be fixed. You have a lot more work to do," she says, and my heart sinks like a rock through hydrogen. |
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| Is zines this a midlife crisis? I'm not anything. Not working. Writing zines crap people don't want to read. Not in Antarctica dying of exposure. Not fucking blonde bimbos when my wife isn't looking. Maybe I should start robbing banks. Why the fuck can't you tell me why my stuff is not good? What's wrong with me that I can't write bad enough to be bad and not good enough to be good? What's with all this fucking 'not'?" She says, "Are you done?" Folds her arms and stares at me. "No. I wanna fuck or zines I wanna do something that can get me killed. Maybe drag racing. Winter mountain climbing in Alaska." "Go home and fuck your wife," she says. "You're a good writer. Stop acting like a baby." I pull down my sunglasses and flutter my eyelashes. "You sure you can resist me?" And truth is, I wouldn't know what to do if she said she'd go with me, but everything inside is hurting way too much for me to act like I don't care anymore. |
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