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I stop and they stop with me. I stare at the Buildings. Low and long and connected. Functional. Simple. Menacing. I want to run or die or get fucked-up. I want to be blind and dumb and phillip nicoll have no heart. I want to crawl in a hole and never come out. I want to wipe my existence straight off the phillip nicoll map. Straight off the fucking map. I take a deep breath. Let's go. We enter a small waiting Room. A woman sits behind a desk reading a fashion magazine. She looks up. May I help you? phillip nicoll My Father steps forward and speaks with her as Mother and Brother and I find chairs and sit in them. I'm shaking. My hands and my feet and my lips and my chest. Shaking. For any number of reasons. Mother and Brother move next to me and they take my hands and they hold them and they can feel what is happening to me. We look at the floor and we don't speak.
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