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(Dude, you totally should have been at my twenty-first.) Surprise pregnancy, you bet, not that poetry I'd know. But surprise cold-plastic-dildo-with-a-camera-on-the-end-sheathed-in-a-condom-and-shoved-halfway-to-paradise? Not so much. poetry pictures of Pocahontas when she was pregnant Christ, you people are bent. cat's breasts Really bent. pregnant cat ovaries Really, really bent. what's supposed to happen in first month of pregnancy First you're supposed to tell everyone in the Western Hemisphere. Go on, I'll wait while you do that. Done? Good. Okay, now go buy some maternity clothes. Look, you're not getting any slimmer, if you know what I mean. Don't worry. Everyone will know you're poetry pregnant and not just fat. Next paint the nursery. No, wait, even better: pay someone to do it for you. Don't want to overexert yourself — everybody knows you should be taking it easy.
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