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I prayed to a god that only a very small part of gangsters me believes exists. I asked god to show her mercy. I asked god to stop her gangsters pain. I asked god gangsters to take my mother. This was the only time god ever listened. I heard a nurse page the McNabb family just then. My grandmother who was in there with my brother came through the doors. She said, "She's gone." Over and over "she's gone." I argued with her for a second before I was somehow transported to the room where my father and brother were weeping over her dead body. So much for denial. Death is not pretty, like the actors have us believe. She looked horrified. Her eyes and mouth were wide open and her body seemed contorted. That tableau still haunts me in my dreams even though I only looked for a second. My dad kept saying, "She's so beautiful." All I could do was keep my eyes closed and hold onto her tattered shoes.
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