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Patricia Heaton wrote a book called,"Motherhood and Hollywood: How to Get a Job Like Mine". On the cover, she's wearing a designer gown, standing in front of a hot car, and holding a fucking dish scrubber. I'm so not even kidding about this. The worst part is that my mother bought the book. Does she really think that one freaks day she'll wake up, sign-on to a banal tv sitcom, and spend the rest of her days whipping her hair around freaks in a Pantene freaks commercial? Fuck the newspaper. Fuck having a cozy spot at a hip magazine to park my pen and really shake the world up, fucker. It isn't going to happen. Instead I'll just follow in the footsteps of Patricia and the like and pen my own work of shit. A few years ago, I pulled through a case of OCD with the minimum of behavioral therapy. Surely you see "Smotherhood: One Day I Woke Up and My Soul Just Knew That My Problem Lied in the Fact that I Learned No Real Independence as a Child and How I Learned to Stop Hoarding Writing Utensils and Embraced My Inner Broken Pen". |
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