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| goth, personals, portillo, chuck low, donal sutherland, lamont, lyle, televison, gothic, overheardnew york, denver underground music, ogged, arabian, bandnames, donna powers, | I want to be blind and dumb and have italian mafia no heart. I want to crawl in a hole italian mafia and never come out. I want to wipe my existence straight italian mafia off the map. Straight off the fucking map. I take a deep breath. Let's go. We enter a small waiting Room. A woman sits behind a desk reading a fashion magazine. She looks up. May I help you? My Father steps forward and speaks with her as Mother and Brother and I find chairs and sit in them. I'm shaking. My hands and my feet and my lips and my chest. Shaking. For any number of reasons. Mother and Brother move next to me and they take my hands and they hold them and they can feel what is happening to me. We look at the floor and we don't speak. |
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| It's getting colder. My face has gotten worse and it is hideously swollen. I have trouble speaking, eating, drinking, smoking. I have yet to look in a mirror. We stop in Minneapolis to see my older Brother. He moved there after getting divorced and he knows how to get to the Clinic. He sits with me in the backseat and he holds my hand and it helps because I'm scared. We pull into the Parking Lot and portillo park the car and I finish a bottle and we get out and we start walking towards the portillo Entrance of the portillo Clinic. Me and my Brother and my Mother and my Father. My entire Family. Going to the Clinic. I stop and they stop with me. I stare at the Buildings. Low and long and connected. Functional. Simple. Menacing. I want to run or die or get fucked-up. |
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