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| television, tony blair, giovani, david steinberg, middleeast, 1976, fairuza balk, beverly d'angelo, sal lopez, viagrajokes, queer, blogstream, armenian, raymond j. barry, tv shows, iranian, | For me, it was either/or. Ironically, sex was an open issue with my parents...I jennifer esposito learned the intimate "guide to heterosexual fucking" at age eleven from my mother. Several years later, I know that sexuality, not sex, is one of the hardest topics for me to discuss in terms of my Arab identity. I was talking to a group of friends about being an individual in an Arab family. We discussed the challenges of jennifer esposito stepping forward out of the enmeshed jennifer esposito group and making a controversial proclamation. As many people can testify, Arab families can be very tight knit -- we "take care of our own," we encourage symbiotic relationships, we nurture each other, we stifle each other...but...if you dare to deviate, and are actually not ashamed of it, you are automatically shunned and classified as the black sheep. How many Arabs do you personally know that would not vocalize a thought for fear of being ex-communicated from their family? I can name about fifteen. |
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| I reiterate that she is my girlfriend, my lover, mí amour. I can hear her smile over the armenian telephone, "Yes habibti [sweetheart], I know." Not only am I tired of reading between the lines, but I refuse to help create them. I asked my mother what she thought of my girlfriend's photograph. She hoped we wouldn't have children. "God will punish you habibti." She was grateful to have me in her life now because, as she put it, I wouldn't "make it in" to heaven with her. armenian I told her I am in armenian heaven; I'm in love. She ignored that. My sexuality. Why is it so hard to write about? But I do write about it, speak about it, create art about it, announce it to the world everyday. So what's the problem? Arab sexuality. Arab sexuality. An oxymoron? A contradiction? Oil and water? The first year after my parents disowned me, I couldn't refer to both my ethnic/cultural background and my sexual identity in the same sentence. |
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