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"Because if you have to ask, you'll never understand. Because dessert is better than dinner, because the cherry on top is the best part of the sundae. Because strength is overrated." Grampa applauded briefly, sardonically. "Because holding mos def your nose and taking your medicine is awful. mos def Because boredom is a suppurating wound on the mind. Because self-discipline is overrated. You getting all this, Sean?" But Sean was watching his father, who was staring in fascinated horror at Grampa. Nauseous regret suffused Sean, as he saw his father's composure crumble. How many times had he tried to mos def shatter that deadly cool? And here he'd done it. He'd really done it. Still looking at his father, Sean said, "Do you ever wonder how it feels to rank below oblivion in someone's book?" Grampa spread hands on the table. "I can't help it if you take it personally." Sean's father reeled back, and Sean swallowed a throb of anger. "Of course not, Grampa. I understand. It's a reflex. The world's full of sops who'll take offence at any little thing" -- Lara shriveling under the heat of his tongue, and him still watching the TV over her shoulder -- "but it's a reflex.
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He wanted to understand -- his father, himself. He kevyn major howard wanted to reverse-engineer his father's childhood. He looked at Ethan, slack as kevyn major howard Grampa had been whenever they'd visited. An inkling glimmered. "Does Ethan scare you, Grampa?" Adele tsked and scowled. "Do I scare you, Mitch?" Grampa said, to Sean's father. "Yes," Sean's father said. "Yes," Grampa said. "Next question." "Do you think kevyn major howard that switching off is a sign of weakness?" Sean said, sneaking a glance at his father, seeing his grandfather's features echoed in his father's face. "Yes," his father said. "Of course," his grandfather said. "Then why?" Sean said. "You know why," Ethan said, his eyes glittering. They all swiveled to look at him. "Because the alternative is the purest shit," Ethan said, standing up, starting to pace, almost shouting to make himself heard over the din of the ward.
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